their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
