so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
