We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
