im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
