and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
