Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
