you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
