We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
smell my finger.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
