im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
