She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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