So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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