I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Quick, to the slutcave!
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
