someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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