We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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