do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
