Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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