it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
