Can i not drive my cunt home
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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