Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
