We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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