Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
