i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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