i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
The beer is more important than you right now.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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