Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I AM VODKA MAN
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
