he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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