I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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