okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
