I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
