shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i want to swaddle you in tequila
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
