I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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