my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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