what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
