I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
