News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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