I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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