Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize