frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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