ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
