i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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