Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
