she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
