is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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