just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize