i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
