she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
