Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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