just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
