the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Randomize