it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
