guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
