College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
40s are totally the cure
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
