I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
