Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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