I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
