Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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