a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
