She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
