her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
