I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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