I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
