Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
