Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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