and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
