atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
