Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
pray to the hookup gods
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
